This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
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I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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