So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
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What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
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You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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