I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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