Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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