Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You made out with two different species that night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
