Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
