i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
