In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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