drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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