just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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