guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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