a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
