woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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