He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Help. Why am I so naked?
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