Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's blow job season.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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