So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
