Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We are all done wearing pants today
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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