My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
