so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
