I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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