K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude i'm inner monologue high
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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