K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
