I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
did i walk over a car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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