I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
