At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
