My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
