I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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