i think i scared a bird with my dick
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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