I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
