i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
