R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
