Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
