I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
