first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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