You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
