she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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