You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
