just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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