i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
