im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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