Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
