Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
