Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I did not marry a roomba.
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