i was born a porn star she said
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
