I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
