Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
