I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
