you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
