In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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