I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize