Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
