Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
