I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So much Jack, so little girl.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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