and you said cock pushups were impossible
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
