He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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