All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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