Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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