Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
