One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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